2024: My Choice This Time

The classic iPhone ringtone echoed down the wood-panelled hallway, interrupting her religious morning routine. She dashed from the bathroom with foaming facial cleanser covering half her face and slid across the floor in fluffy pink socks. But the phone had already silenced. No caller ID.

When she returned to the bathroom, she glanced out the window between the rustic white wooden frame next to their bathroom sink. The view was immaculate. The hills rolled until they met the horizon, the grass that blanketed them so green they were blinding. Every imperfection that stained the tree trunks stood out from the window, but they could never be called ugly.

“Are you done with the bathroom? I want to clean it today,” she yelled out to him.

Kieran’s small, razor-sharp facial hair still covered the white porcelain, no matter how many times he tried to wipe it off. She always had to clean it for him, even though he had been shaving his rugged jaw since before his voice was deep. He always proved her wrong when she thought he had the ability to clean up after himself.

“Give me a second,” he said.

She swished the thickness and minty taste around her mouth and spat into the sink. It dug the dirt taste of that tea they drank every morning from her breath, giving a sense of cleanliness again. She felt his hands on her back as he grabbed his own toothbrush before she saw his reflection in the mirror. His raven black hair covered his eyes when he looked down, and his hands were smooth and uncalloused from never working a physical labouring job.

            Her phone rang again, and she answered on the second ring.

“Hello?” It was Audrey, a friend from Sydney. Once they’d expressed delight in hearing each other’s voices, she got down to the purpose of her call.

“I do admit I have an ulterior motive for this phone call,” Audrey said. “I have been discussing with my boss about some new moves we could make, and I showed her some of your work. She loves it and wants you to write a book, followed by a tour around the country!”

“Are you serious? Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you thought of me!”

“Of course I would! So, are you on board?”

“Oh, um, I’m not sure. Do I have time to think about it?”

“Think about it? Why would you need to think about it? I thought it was your lifelong dream?”

Teagan walked to the living room and sat on the couch, biting her already too-short nails. “Of course it’s my dream! I’m just not sure if now is the right time.”

“Why wouldn’t it be? You’re not working right now. What’s stopping you?”

She watched Kieran walk to the white marble kitchen bench and throw two pieces of bread with unnecessary force into the pastel blue Smeg toaster.

“Um… I… I don’t know.”

“You worked so hard for years after uni, and now you’ll finally have your own book. What’s holding you back?”

Kieran grabbed a plate from the cupboard and slammed it onto the bench.

Audrey took a long sigh. “Fine, if you really need time to sort everything out, I’ll talk to my boss. I might be able to get you a week at most.”

“Okay. Thank you,” she said.

“I’ll call you in a few days to check-in. Let me know which way you’re leaning by then. Bye.”

Kieran plonked on the couch next to Teagan. “Who was that?”

“Oh, just mum. What have I told you about the crumbs? Get off!” She swiped away the mountain of breadcrumbs he had already left on the brand-new modular couch. As she did, she missed the hardened expression on his face.

…

Teagan walked from her car to the coffee cart, flicking her frizzy stray hairs out of her caramel eyes. She told Kieran that she wanted a walk-in town to get some sun. When he told her she should walk around the property if she wanted some sun, she responded with, “Well, when you go later, can you get me my cleaning supplies?” His face scrunched up in disgust, and she escaped out the door before he could respond.

The truth was that all she wanted was a coffee. He never let her keep it in the house, but she hated homemade coffee anyway. Before him, she would go to the same café every morning, drink at least two coffees and write. Being there inspired her creativity, with the commotion of the coffee machine combined with the different outfits she observed as people waited for their morning beverages.

Teagan approached the coffee cart, her eyes sparkling as she watched the barista craft magnificent shapes with hot milk. “Hi, what would you like?”

“Hi. Could I please get a large, long black with an extra shot and a dash of oat milk?”

“And I’ll pay,” a familiar voice stepped up beside her in the line. “But can I add a strong iced vanilla latte to that order?”

Teagan hugged her friend Rosie. She smelled faintly of coconut and cake batter. Once they got their coffee, they started walking through town. Clothes, candles, and candies stared back at them through the windows of quaint local stores as they passed.

“Thanks for walking with me,” Teagan said.

“No problem. I could use the fresh air after five hours of baking this morning.”

As they walked, Teagan updated Rosie about the job opportunity that she was still unsure about.

“Why haven’t you accepted it? I assumed you would have said yes in a second,” said Rosie.

“Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve got a good life here, and if I take it, I’ll have to move back to Sydney and start over.”

“But you loved the city life. You thrived in it. I’m actually surprised you stayed here as long as you did,” Rosie said as she threw her coffee cup in the bin.

“I know, but…”

“Seriously, Teagan. What is it that’s stopping you? And don’t say anything about your routine.”

Teagan took a breath that made her insides shake. “It’s Kieran. Of course, it's Kieran. I don’t want to leave him. I haven’t even told him yet.”

“Why!”

Teagan's palms were dripping with sweat as she struggled to hold her coffee cup. “I don’t know how he’s going to react. I’m nervous he won’t be happy for me. I doubt he’ll be thrilled if I tell him I’m going to take a job that requires me to move away from home.”

“I understand that. I know you love him, and you don’t want to move away from him. Long-distance relationships are hard. But you can’t give up your dreams for him, no matter how much you love him,” said Rosie.

“But there’s so much more to it than that,” she said. “I’m more scared about how he’s going to make me feel about it. The things he says, he can be cruel sometimes.”

“What do you mean,” Rosie said with trepidation.

“You know. He’ll get mad at me if I leave the house to get anything. I do online grocery shopping now because I don’t want to feel bad about going out. But online grocery shopping is easier, and I love being with him, so I guess it’s not so bad?”

“Teagan, it’s not like you’re going out clubbing! You’re getting groceries! Don’t make excuses. It’s not right, and you know it.”

“But the thing is, I’ve been living like this for so long without realising it. It’s only been until this week after I got that offer that I’ve been reflecting on our whole relationship. I thought we were happy, like truly happy. But if we were happy, wouldn’t I feel comfortable doing such mundane tasks? Wouldn’t he be happy for me going for my dreams?”

“You know this isn’t love, don’t you?”

Teagan finally let that breath go with a relief that flooded her entire body. “Yeah, I know that now.”

…

“So, how’s the job going?” Rosie said through the phone speaker.

“It’s amazing! I’m almost finished with the final edit of the book! I’m so excited for the tour, though,” Teagan said as she gazed out the window of her high-rise Sydney Harbour apartment.

The sun’s rays were cutting through the floor-to-ceiling window, giving her skin the warmth it was craving at 6 am. The water under the Sydney Harbour Bridge was a turquoise blue, and the Opera House gleamed as if it was happy she was finally back there.

It was no rolling hills, but it gave her more hope and freedom than they ever did.

“That’s so good! I’m so happy for you! Have you talked to Kieran?”

“No, not for a while. He finally stopped calling, but I ended up blocking his number just as a precaution. It was getting up to ten times a day. It was ridiculous.”

“Well, I think you’re being so strong about the whole thing. It’s not easy to leave that situation, but you did it, and you started pursuing a dream you’ve had for years all at once. That’s a lot, but you’re handling everything so well.”

Teagan couldn’t stop her smile from spreading as she grabbed her handbag off the couch that was covered in books, blankets and cushions in disarray.

“Thank you! I’ve gotta go. I’m meeting a workmate for coffee at a new café. My choice this time.”