2024: Is Early 20s Too Young to Get Married?

Millie Bobby Brown stands in front of the man of her dreams under crystal clear skies in May 2024. A white satin gown cascades down her body and pools beneath her feet as she grips his hands tight and says, “I do.” This is a day many of us have fantasised about since childhood. The image of wooden chairs tied with white silk bows carrying all your family and friends as they sit facing an arbour woven with bright seasonal flowers. Everyone’s heads turning in unison to watch the bride walk down the aisle, dressed in a gown that would make a mockery of a princess. The happy couple making their vow to love each other forever through all their faults.

The 20-year-old actress announced her engagement to her now husband, Jake Bongiovi, 22, on Instagram in April 2023: “I’ve loved you three summers now, honey, I want them all.” But is marriage the right pathway for them and all the other couples out there in their early 20s? After all, true love is rumoured to conquer all, to be there for you when no one else is. It’s the image of a princess being saved by her prince. A damsel in distress and a heroic man there to save her. But society has shifted, and the movement of ‘not needing a man’ has grown more popular. This concept promotes confidence, independence, and strength. But most women can’t deny their want for a fairytale ending with their true love to ride them into the sunset.

In 2022, the Australian Bureau of Statistics divorce rate was just under 50,000. So why are young people so eager to take the plunge into the world of adulthood when they could be living carelessly with little judgment until the median marriage age of thirty? Couples’ Counsellor Emily* believes, “In your 20s, you really start to learn and understand yourself as you move away from your family that you grew up in.” During this time, life goes through many personal changes, including relationship preferences. “For some couples, that works, and they grow together. But for others, they might discover that… they might be less compatible than when they first met.”

The ‘Marriage in Australia’ Study in 2015 showed that Gen Z supports marriage and wants to give it a chance. But nowadays, not getting married is more socially acceptable, and the statistics show that the median marriage age has increased from the early 20s to the early 30s. Couples Counsellor Emily* says, “in the past, to not be married was not socially accepted at the time. And then there was a move socially, where it became more acceptable to just be in de facto relationships… so it sort of let off a bit of a pressure valve there, where people didn't feel they had to get married.”

But Kellie and Bruce Botham beat the statistics and jumped on the train of all-consuming love when they got married at ages 20 and 22. “We felt a close connection from the first time we went out together. We were in love, and marriage was just a natural progression.” Being married for over 30 years has helped them emotionally develop as a couple, igniting two souls that are drawn to each other through their collective experience. “Marriage has brought us a lot of joy and enabled us to trust and rely on each other in both good and bad times.” One of the highlights of Kellie and Bruce’s marriage has been raising children together. “I’m glad that we married early and had our children at an early age. Now, we are still young enough to enjoy our lives and help our children with their own kids.” Being involved in their grandchildren’s lives reignites their love for each other and the family they have created from such a young age.

But Kellie and Bruce’s relationship journey is rare. Marriage is not for everyone. In Australia, an estimated 50 per cent of marriages end in divorce, and this number is still on the climb. Our Couples Counsellor Emily* says there is a lot of growth between the different stages of your twenties. Divorce in younger couples can depend on “how mature they are, how much they know themselves, and how well they compromise with each other already.”

This growth was the case for Angie Hazelwood, who got married at 24 and divorced eight months after the wedding. “We were expected to get married because we were together for quite a while. That’s how I felt at the time.” On her wedding day, she stood in her elegant white dress, waiting to be walked down the aisle, but that feeling of excitement was missing. “I felt a bit trapped. I didn’t feel like it was the right thing to do. It felt off for some reason.” And clearly, her gut was right. “I felt a lot of pressure… everywhere I went, people started saying, ‘When are you having kids, when are you having kids.’ And I wasn't ready to have kids.” Angie had a different idea of what her life was going to look like: “I wanted to do other things like be the first in my family to go to university and do some travel. I wasn’t quite ready for marriage.” After her divorce, she completed a bachelor’s degree in nursing and later finished another degree in health promotion. But even though Angie knew she wasn’t ready for marriage and children at that age, she never gave up on finding her perfect match. She has been married and divorced twice since then and is now in a committed relationship with a man she adores and who she believes is her prince charming.

Taylor Swift sings: “You be the prince; I’ll be the princess; It’s a love story, baby just say yes.” Society has ingrained this idea in us since we were girls, sitting in front of the TV watching Disney princess weddings and wishing we could be that girl. Women of all ages are always on the lookout for our princes who can give us the true love we desire, no matter how hard we fight the urge and how hard we focus on other aspects of our lives. But the love we need isn’t just some fairytale: our relationships should be centred around respect, acceptance and support for us to truly thrive. Women in their 20s may find it harder to determine the prince from the person whose intentions and life dreams are not aligned with their own. But through growth and development during this time in our lives, we will learn which person is right for us. Like our Couples Counsellor Emily* said, “For some, [marriage] is the right decision, and maybe for others, it’s not.”

FACT BOX: Top 5 Celebrities Who Got Married Before 25

-       Drew Barrymore – age 19 – married 3 times

-       Britney Spears – age 22 – married 3 times

-       Kim Kardashian – age 19 – married 3 times

-       Elizabeth Taylor – age 18 – married 8 times

-       Sophie Turner – age 23 – married 1 time